despair

despair is a funny thing.... it hurts so unbelievably bad! its torturous and so unbearable..... but whos the idiot that inflicts it? yourself.... you cause your own despair..... it stupid how that works...... how the most painful things come from yourself. i know how that feels it anyone else does.... i hate myself. im so stupid, you would think that after so freaking long in despair and just inside pain i would learn to just move on or something..... but no. im so stupid that i persist in a lost cause. please someone save me. because its apparent that i cant do it by myself.