i never felt this.

i never felt this before. a constant battle, inside my mind. on one side, reason and advice. the other excitement and joy but also pain and heartache. the reasonable side says "come over here, we wont hurt you. we're safe." the other side doesn't say anything, but gives me a look that, if it talked, would say, "come on, put some risk in your life. try it once." i look at the reasonable choice... and turn my back to it. i step towards risks, but also towards a feelings so new and wonderful... i never want to leave that side. i stay so long, then one day i take my normal routine of risks to have that wonderful feeling... except i don't feel it. instead i feel a deep scarring pain in my heart. i scream " what is this feeling?! how do i get rid of it?" i hear a voice say "you took the risk." i understand that this time i wasn't lucky when i took my usual risks. for the first time i look towards the reasonable side. it seems so serene... so i sneak away, and visit reason. i relax until that horrible pain i feel goes away. then i realize, this side is dull, so a start t o sneak away back to the risky side... then once i get halfway i remember that horrible and painful feeling i had. was it worth it to risk having that wonderful and loving feeling again? i look at the both sides... and turn my back... on reason.